Health & Fitness
Mom’s Memory and Dad’s Dementia
We study and learn the terminology associated with dementia. We naturally educate ourselves about every aspect we can absorb to do what is best for our elder parent.
Dad has dementia and his short-term memory is almost non-existent. We know the symptoms of dementia. We study and learn the terminology associated with this diagnosis. We naturally educate ourselves about every aspect we can absorb to do what is best for our elder parent. So what is the tough part? The energy, decisions, and empathy it takes to manage your elder parent every day in various situations that seem customary to us.
On Saturday, I reminded Dad that it was the two-year anniversary of Mom’s death. He became very upset. He understood that Mom was gone, but not that she passed away two years ago. It was very difficult to see him grieve all over again. Then, on the way to the cemetery he asked six times where we were going. It was only a 5-mile drive, so you can imagine how frustrating it was to tell Dad six times in 5 miles that we were going to visit Mom at the cemetery.
When your elder parent has dementia, you do have to choose what you are going to share and how many times to repeat yourself. It is frustrating to have to repeat the same statement over and over again throughout the day. It is easy to get upset with your elder parent and get testy with them. It is important to remember that they DO NOT recall what you just said. They cannot help it if the memory portion of their brain is not functioning as well as it did years ago. If you can keep that in mind, it makes the constant repeating of the same thing a bit easier. They do not remember that you have already said it. To them it is the first time they have heard it. They are not doing this on purpose- they just do not remember.
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Continue to do the best you can! You are helping your elder parent now that they need the assistance, just like they helped you long ago. Be proud that you are keeping them safe, happy, and healthy to the best of your ability. Make sure that they know how much you love them and appreciate all that they did for you as a parent. Reassure them as often as you can (repeat yourself so to speak). You don’t know if today is the last day that you will have them, so do all that you can to make today the best possible, just in case.
Lori Holmgren RN, MSN
