Addressing Toddler Independence

Oh, how our toddlers test the limits and press our buttons! Often, it seems, toddlers are torn between wanting to be a ‘big kid’ and wanting to be babied. This can be especially intensified if there is a sibling in the mix.

It is important to try to keep a sense of humor about your child’s journey to independence. For toddlers, gaining independence is a whole new world. Toddlers are determined to feel like they are in control. It can be amazing to see your children grow in leaps and bounds, making their own decisions and developing problem-solving skills.  

I have two children: Ben is 4 and Charlie is 2.5. We are expecting our third this summer. To make my life easier, I pick my battles. I try to offer my kids as many choices as I can, so that they feel they have control over many situations. Each morning, before going to school, the boys get to choose between two different shirts, as well as sweatpants or jeans, what to eat for breakfast, what to drink, and what songs to listen to in the car. We may get a few looks on our way when we enter the Dierberg’s with our Superman capes or Batman masks, but I know that the things that are the most important to our family (good manners, cleaning up after ourselves) are accomplished.

One of the families at , The Pyatts, has tried to focus on preventing negative behavior by highlighting the positive. Giving their children their patience and providing the kids with praise has been effective in their household. By acknowledging the good behaviors, children will be more likely to repeat them.

The Senniger family has allowed their children, Liam and Alena, to help them in daily “grown-up” tasks. Young children love to help in everyday activities, such as setting the table, matching socks in the laundry, turning the lights off around the house, and throwing empty containers in the trash or recycling bin. The Sennigers suggest allowing the children to figure out the best way to do things to enhance their problem solving skills. Don’t forget to praise your kids, and tell them, “Thank you! You are such a great helper!”

Guiding your child with love, patience and encouragement are the keys to creating the perfect foundation for your child’s character and independence. Be more flexible in your guidelines—give your child the opportunity, as often as possible, to make decisions for him or herself. Don’t be afraid to let go of some of the rules. Save “No!” for when it really matters—in the case of safety or something you feel most strongly about.