What to Do with Dad's Stuff

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It’s been 12 weeks since my father died, but I still haven’t completely come to terms with the fact that he’s gone. I’m still surprised to come home every evening and see his reclining lift chair empty. I keep wanting to ask him if he wants his nightly ice cream. I miss his huge smile, as if the ice cream was the best thing in the whole world.  

But now the most painful part of the process is deciding what to do with his belongings.  I’ve given some things to charity, as he would have wanted me to do.  I’m going to give his shoes to “The Shoe Man.”  The Shoe Man, for those who are unfamiliar, is a charity that takes discarded shoes and sells them, the proceeds of which are used to build wells in impoverished countries.  He would have liked that. You see, my father was a Shriners Clown; he loved making children happy and giving selflessly to others. So anything of his that would help children and others would be important to him.

But I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to go through his things.  I am still too sad.  I miss him terribly and am still grieving.  So I have decided to wait a while longer to do this sad yet important task.  There is no law that says I have to do this within 12 weeks; there is no deadline.  The lesson here is to know that the time will be right when I am ready.  It is okay to be sad and move through this at my own pace.  I loved my Father dearly, and I miss him terribly. Of course it will be very difficult to go through his things.  And if I need another or a couple of more months to be ready, that is totally acceptable.  I will continue to talk about him, tell my friends that I miss him and am sad.  And when I look at his recliner lift chair, I will continue to picture him smiling about his ice cream treat.

~ Lori

Lori Holmgren, RN, MSN